i finally found a hairdresser that understands "DO NOT TOUCH THE SIDES"

So I've been really bad at updating for the past four days. Sadface. That's what happens when you're in EAST BUMFUCK (Raquette Lake) and have no internet connection (not to mention no phone reception or television to watch the damn Mets game). So here is a giant post o' doom...

THINGS THAT BOTHERED ME ABOUT THE WEEKEND:

1) It was god-damn camp. I am a city slicker (says my father). This, coupled with my horrible outdoor allergies made my 24-hour stay in the wildnerness incredibly unbearable. I did read a pretty damn good book called "Pandemic" by Daniel Kalla but I would love to reiterate my complete disdain for books only published in mass-market production (HATE HATE HATE).

2) Way to almost blow a game, Billy Wagner. Perez pitched 7 hitless innings and you just had to come in and fuck it all up and send the game into extra innings. I would like to thank Tatis for making things better and bringing the Mets to 44-44 (GOOD LUCK NUMBERS FOR TONIGHT!). Also, Ryan Church plz to not have anymore migranes D

3) God damn relatives. Could one of my aunts be any more hateful of me? Every single thing I say or do is shot down. I'm always wrong. Nope, apparently Smirnoff is delicious and won't make you sick. No, you have to get the Ganash cake because those are the best. Nope, you HAVE to go to breakfast before the Boilermaker because that's what all the Romans do. GUESS WHAT I AM NOT A ROMAN - AND I AM NOT ITALIAN AND NEITHER ARE YOU! Stop sticking your nose in my business and turning my other relatives into complete bitches too

4) WHERE IS MY MOTHERFUCKING STIMULUS CHECK?

5) Please do not beg me to come to a concert 2 hours out of my way because "you have no other trumpets" and then stick me on the end of the 8-foot tall stage when 8 of them show up. Also, please tell your subs to stop sucking so hard and come in when they should be playing. I can't even tell you how many times I played a "solo" in the pieces because NO ONE CAME IN ON TIME.

DRINK OF THE WEEKEND:

Sobriety, laced with a few sips of my mom's Coors Light (fuck you Coors mountains, you are terribly un-tasty).

DEBAUCHERY?

A whole lotta none.

WHAT HAVE I BEEN LISTENING TO?

The sound of crickets. And my obnoxious cousin rattling bags around at 7am. Oh, and lots and lots of Ben Folds.

I leave you with this... A picture of my father "riding" one of the furnaces he built. Damn, he needs a haircut...