I got a text message from my mom yesterday saying "I need to talk to you about something." Ok, cue me freaking out. This usually means one of two things: someone has died, or I'm in big trouble (usually the latter). So I called her... and this is how the conversation went.
Mom: "HEY MANNY!"
Me: "Hi Rinda... what's up? Who's dead?"
Mom: "No one... why?"
Me: "You sent me an urgent text message...?"
Mom: "Oh yeah! *Giggles* Do you listen to 93Q?"
Me: "Yes."
Mom: "So you know Amy's Slumber Party?"
Me: "Yes. Is this really urgent?"
Mom: "Yes."
Me: "GET TO THE POINT."
Mom: "Well, they're doing a contest for Valentine's Day and you can win tickets."
Me: "You mean I can win YOU tickets."
Mom: "Yeah, that."
Me: "K, what do I have to do, be the ninth caller or something? Because you can do that too..."
Mom: "No, it's way better."
Me: "GET TO THE POINT."
Mom: "Well they're setting people up on blind dates with this guy."
Me: "Seriously? This is urgent?"
Mom: "Yes. This guy is going to go on five dates with five girls and if you're the best, you get four tickets to Amy's Slumber Party! I always wanted to go but I have no girlfriends but we can go together."
Me: "I'm not really seeing the urgency in this..."
Mom: "Just go to the website! You should do it! This guy seems awesome! He likes politics and baseball!"
Me: "You realize you just described 50% of the male race, yes?"
Mom: "But he likes girls with tattoos! You have one! You probably have more! And he has a great voice."
Me: "Have you ever heard of 'You have a face for radio?'"
Mom: "Nah, I'm sure he's cute. Just do it, I need those tickets."
Me: "Fine, I'll look into it."
So I go to 93Q.com. This contest is HIDDEN... I'm searching the site and can't find a thing. I'm googling and no cigar. Finally I click on Ted & Amy's site, and I find it tucked down in the bottom corner. Oh dear me.
'You have a face for radio' is really true.
FWIW, he's not THAT terrible looking. Maybe it's a bad photo; maybe I'm just a bad judge of people's attractiveness. He's not really my type (he isn't a skinny boy, no visible tattoos and piercings...). So I had Sarah look at the picture... and she had the same reaction as me. K, maybe I'm right.
So my mom calls me back.
Mom: "WELL DID YOU DO IT?"
Me: "Did you even look at his picture?"
Mom: "No, but I heard his voice. He's well-spoken and sounds cute."
Me: "CHARLES MANSON PROBABLY SOUNDS CUTE OVER THE AIRWAVES."
Mom: "He can't be that bad."
Me: "Maybe not in your standards."
Mom: "Well, go do it."
Me: "If I'm one of the five finalists, I have to do an on-air interview on the radio. Live."
Mom: "You have a beautiful voice!"
Me: "Did you ever notice I HYPERVENTILATE when I speak live?"
Mom: "You didn't during your saludatory speech."
Me: "That's because I had a printed copy in front of me."
Mom: "So bring notecards."
Me: "YOU CANNOT BRING NOTECARDS FOR A NONSCRIPTED INTERVIEW."
Mom: "Well... do it anyway. I really want to go to Amy's Slumber Party. And you get a free date at Colemans!"
Me: "Do you even know what Colemans is?"
Mom: "No... but it sounds good."
Me: "IT'S A BAR. I CAN GET FREE THINGS AT BARS ANYTIME I WANT. I HAVE BOOBS."
Mom: "That guy probably likes boobs."
Me: "Fine, you win. But I'm drinking before I call."
Mom: "I don't care, do what you have to do."
Me: "So you're taking advantage of me being a single girl and encouraging alcoholism for your gain?"
Mom: "....Yes."
At this point, I'm still unsure of whether I'll go through with it or not. On one hand, it IS a free date. I don't mind blind dates either... been there, done that. But this brings it to a whole new level. I decided to bring it up to my boss, thinking she'll err on the side of caution...
Me: *tells back story of what's happening*
Boss: "Show me the link! Show me!"
Me: *pulls up link*
Boss: "He's not that bad! He might have tattoos under his shirt!"
Me: "NOT THE POINT."
Boss: "Maybe he's the man of your dreams."
Me: "Doubtful, also not the point though."
Boss: "Just do it!"
...I'm going to stop telling people my mom's age about this and instead tell my friends, who will humiliate me for even thinking about going through with this.
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2 comments:
I love your word for word description of this event. I wish I could have been there to hear this conversation with Deb. Between your sarcasm, your mother and father, and your sisters evidently emo for life... it's like... a weekend at the Osbournes in your house.
Yeah. Between this nonsense and the Jesus Doors debacle, I think we're pretty on par with the Osbournes... complete with big house, crazy father, witty mother, and two really messed up kids - we just need a dozen more dogs and some drug problems and MTV can start making a reality show of our lives...
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