baseball is back #!KJ@#$LJLDJg

Yeah yeah, I know. I'm an asshole and never update. But I'm marking today as my return to the blogosphere with some snark (and a little bit of hakuna matata!) as baseball players across our country come together for the beginning of a new season.

One that hopefully doesn't involve the word "collapse"... except when speaking of the Phillies.

Or the Yankees.

...Onward fair soldiers.

1) Ollie Perez was out in true Ollie style, stinkin' up the diamond yesterday. Now I'll defend Perez to anyone who isn't a Met fan, but I know deep down that I don't trust this guy. I trust Livan Hernandez - a guy I've never seen pitch - over Perez. He's just so persnicketty. I love him when he's up, but when he's down... dear god, he's down. He had EIGHT earned runs yesterday. In four innings. Guess how many our functioning bullpen had? ZERO. This is just all sorts of backwards from last season and, frankly, it's alarming and unnerving.

2) Nick Adenhart of the Angels died yesterday after being hit by a drunk driver. I've never seen Adenhart pitch and honestly don't follow the Angels at all, but that still hits home on so many levels. Stop fucking driving drunk and killing our rookies, douchebag Americans who think they're invincible (this includes you, Joba).

3) The Yankees... um, good job paying your guys big money to blow your first two games of the season? YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE TO WATER BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM DRINK... apparently.

4) My boyfriend went to the Mets/Red Sox exhibition game and witnessed the first win in brand-new Citi Field. I'm incredibly jealous - mainly because he was literally ten feet away from Ryan Church the whole time (and took a picture to prove it/rub it in my face). I hear Citi Field has excellent tacos too.

5) I know six months isn't a long time, but it looks like some of our guys have aged by years in that time frame. Church looks to have put on weight (and it ain't muscle), Brian Schneider has grey stubble and David Wright looks tired (and whiney as ever). On the flip side, Castillo and *hush* Marlon Anderson look younger. WHAT IS GOING ON IS THIS THE ARMAGEDDON?

6) Wah Wah the Phillies lost their first two games. Now go on... take the golden stripes off your jerseys already.

7) The Mets tossed Nick Evans down to AAA. Evans is in BUFFALO. IN BUFFALO! And the Bisons are playing the Chiefs in a four-game series next week! I'm trying to convince Joe that we should sit third base-side so I can be close to Babyface in left field, but he thinks we should sit first base-side where the visitor's dugout is... so not only can I shout innappropriate things at Evans but also to Argenis Reyes :P **OH SHIT UPDATE EVANS IS PLAYING 1ST BASE SO THIS IS A WIN/WIN SITUATION!!!**

8) The return of baseball means Amanda's return to Kitty Hoynes. I haven't been there much over the last few months, but went on Wednesday for the first night game of the season. It was packed with Yankees fans. I cried a little inside. I just want it to be summer so I can have an empty weeknight bar...

And that pretty much sums up the last five days of my life.

PS A BONUS:

9) UNF UNF UNF BASEBALL PLAYERS IN TIGHT PANTS.