"why do you look like a pin cushion?"

I'm working 7-3 today. JOY. It's been ONE hour so far and I'm already itching to do jumping jacks or something.

I went home after work yesterday and cooked chicken riggies as a surprise for my mother. She had no idea I was coming home (my dad did... I had to make sure they weren't going somewhere at dinner!) and I really had her surprised. It's nice going home on my own terms (i.e., when I WANT to, not when I HAVE to) because I feel much more inclined to stay around and not jet off to go get coffee with Michael or visit Matty at the shop. I even stopped by my grandma's house, but she wasn't home (so I left her a goody bag for Halloween).

It was surprising, actually, that I didn't feel like leaving. I really wanted to stay the night (but didn't really want to wake up at 5:30 in the morning to leave). I got back to Syracuse around 9 and I knew that I would be in for an unsettling night. And unsettling it was. It's like all the sudden a switch turned off and shit started going awry. I have this nauseous feeling deep in my stomach and I feel like I could burst out crying at any moment. Nothing can calm me and it doesn't feel good. And I don't know if it's me/my head/what...

...and I've been feeling like I left a lot of friends behind in the past year or so. I can't blame anyone but myself but it really sucks. I invited Jamie to come out with me tonight and also left another friend a message... I hope he comes too. Or maybe Jamie and I will bake cake and drink rum 'til we pass out. You know, something to ease the ache in my body...