underground

I haven't had a job in three weeks and I still haven't been able to regularly update this noise. Thusly, here is yet another list of my life and thoughts surrounding it.

- My grandpa is in the hospital and it doesn't look good.

- My dad fell off a ladder... on the same day my grandpa went to the hospital.

- I love Wendy's chili.

- My ears are now 12mm.

- I have a very, very insatiable crush on Paul Rudd...

- I also have a very, very insatiable crush on a man that acts like Paul Rudd and looks like Ben Folds... oops.

- Michael is bad at RF.

- I am currently working on O: FAD.

- We talk in code so nobody understands our fail.

- I start college again in 10 days FUCK MY LIFE.

- My aunt/uncle are still assholes. And their son is probably still Hitler.

- I got a tetanus shot and my arm almost fell off. Or at least it felt like it was going to.

- No bars around here stock mint =/.

- I miss my boyfran. A lot.

- My fickle family and I went to Darien Lake... for four hours. We rode four rides.

- I love Rick Bayless and sometimes even Rick Bayless lookalikes that work as waiters at the Mission.

- Mets went splodey. Goodbye post-season.

- SHANE VICTORINO GOT A BEER POURED ON HIS HEAD. Fucking pigmy deserved it.

- I really love grey nail polish.

- I made friends with an old man named Don. We danced together. He bought me a shot.

- It's apparently creepy for a girl to go to a bar by herself (please see above).

- I DON'T CARE.

- I probably wouldn't have to go to bars by myself if I actually had friends (my own age).

- I STILL DON'T CARE.

- Money is very hard to come by when you don't work for three weeks.

- Clueless was the best high school movie written.

- Fairs are still creepy but I lower my standards for bands/boys I enjoy.

- I'm a doucher.

OK... tomorrow I'm working 9-5 (yes... on a Saturday) and then I have a big evening of HOSPITAL planned out so I should probably get some sleep...

hi my life is ridiculous

Here's my itinerary for the day (or "this is why I have no time for updating or life in general")...

7am: Wake-up in Westmo. Feed dog. Let out dog.
715: Water the garden.
730: Shower, get dressed, etc.
8: Lock doors, give dog bone, leave.
805: COFFEE and drive.
9: Arrive at work in Syracuse.
1pm: Leave work in Syracuse, drive to Rome.
2: Arrive at work in Rome.
5: Leave work in Rome.
515: Bring grandma newspapers and visit.
6: Let out dog. Feed dog. Let out dog again. Find dinner.
630: Water the garden and all the plants.
7: Clean pool. Rescue all frogs from pool and feed the geese.
730: Go to Ace Hardware to fill propane tank.
745: Pick up bbq, snacks and beer for Saturday's party.
830: Try to find a bathing suit.
930: Catch tail end of Mets vs Reds, hope not to cry.
10: Out with Sheena.

Now I just have to fit in some BREATHING time.

ew.

My life has been crazy as of late.

- Moved out of Westcott.

- Moved half my stuff to Near-West Si-eeeed.

- Moved other half home.

- Helped Joe move out of Nettleton and to the 'burbs.

- Had a really crappy dinner at Plate.

- Had a really awesome brownie sundae.

- Watched "Doubt"... got creeped out by Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

- Got my left lobe scalpelled back to 10mm.

- Went to college orientation and made a kickass schedule.

- Also made a kickass friend.

- Also did not enjoy running into a classmate's mother and hearing about everyone's lives.

- Also got a kickass shirt and a not so kickass ID with a terrible photo of me going DURRR.

- Had really awesome chinese buffet at Ling Lings.

- Found out that Joe's apartment is slanted.

- Had crazy dreams about JJ, the maintenance guy, and Thunt.

- HAD DINNER AND DRINKS WITH THUNT YAY!!

- Friended the maintenance guy on Facebook.

- Made him try to fix my clock.

- Went to a Chiefs game.

- Worked a metric asston of hours.
- Got yelled at for leaving my fan and light on in my office.
- My boss had to walk INTO my office to see that these things were on, yet didn't turn them off.
- I REPEAT I HATE MY JOB.

F. My. Life.

i love puddle pals

So... crazy scabies man who waved his cane in my face the other day? Went into my boss's office today and started hitting things on her desk with it, demanding he be given his "motherfucking knife you motherfuckers!" Maintenance (security) was called and came upstairs WITH A TOOLBELT, the activities director snatched the cane and crazy scabies man was placed in a conference room by himself 'til the cops showed up and took him away.

I'm getting really sick of this nonsense. If I wanted to be threatened by schizophrenics all day, I would have applied for a job at C-pep or Hutchings.

In other news:

1) Mets lost. By one. Again. They've now lost five games this season and four of them have been by one run (the other was by two). I'm not going to be a fairweather fan - Delgado and Castro had super clutch homers - but jesus christ David Wright, what happened to you? I know your batting average says otherwise, but you're playing this year like a single-A late draft rookie. Stop being such a pansy whiner and hit the ball!

2) Sarah passed her driver's test! And she turns 24 tomorrow! I still congratulated her even though she thinks I have bursitis/whore's knees.

3) The Sponge-Tech sponge commercials are awesome. IT'S MY PUDDLE PAL!

4) I spent close to an hour last night googling, myspace and facebook searching and emailing former employees of the Chiefs to find out where the team hangs out after games. It's been futile thus far, but I'm going to find out - even if it means I stay at the stadium 'til everyone has left and follow the bus to the hotel. I swear I'm not a stalker.. I just want to rub elbows (and genitals) with baseball players. Is a hussie. Doesn't care at all. (Was given permission to have sexy times with Babyface or Reyes if the opportunity arises.)

5) There is a muskrat in the pond at home and he's freaking awesome. I called him the legless otter and he ran away from me... but one day I will catch him. He probably has diseases, but he's just so cute... he's my puddle pal!




PS: ... PUDDLE PAL.

baseball is back #!KJ@#$LJLDJg

Yeah yeah, I know. I'm an asshole and never update. But I'm marking today as my return to the blogosphere with some snark (and a little bit of hakuna matata!) as baseball players across our country come together for the beginning of a new season.

One that hopefully doesn't involve the word "collapse"... except when speaking of the Phillies.

Or the Yankees.

...Onward fair soldiers.

1) Ollie Perez was out in true Ollie style, stinkin' up the diamond yesterday. Now I'll defend Perez to anyone who isn't a Met fan, but I know deep down that I don't trust this guy. I trust Livan Hernandez - a guy I've never seen pitch - over Perez. He's just so persnicketty. I love him when he's up, but when he's down... dear god, he's down. He had EIGHT earned runs yesterday. In four innings. Guess how many our functioning bullpen had? ZERO. This is just all sorts of backwards from last season and, frankly, it's alarming and unnerving.

2) Nick Adenhart of the Angels died yesterday after being hit by a drunk driver. I've never seen Adenhart pitch and honestly don't follow the Angels at all, but that still hits home on so many levels. Stop fucking driving drunk and killing our rookies, douchebag Americans who think they're invincible (this includes you, Joba).

3) The Yankees... um, good job paying your guys big money to blow your first two games of the season? YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE TO WATER BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM DRINK... apparently.

4) My boyfriend went to the Mets/Red Sox exhibition game and witnessed the first win in brand-new Citi Field. I'm incredibly jealous - mainly because he was literally ten feet away from Ryan Church the whole time (and took a picture to prove it/rub it in my face). I hear Citi Field has excellent tacos too.

5) I know six months isn't a long time, but it looks like some of our guys have aged by years in that time frame. Church looks to have put on weight (and it ain't muscle), Brian Schneider has grey stubble and David Wright looks tired (and whiney as ever). On the flip side, Castillo and *hush* Marlon Anderson look younger. WHAT IS GOING ON IS THIS THE ARMAGEDDON?

6) Wah Wah the Phillies lost their first two games. Now go on... take the golden stripes off your jerseys already.

7) The Mets tossed Nick Evans down to AAA. Evans is in BUFFALO. IN BUFFALO! And the Bisons are playing the Chiefs in a four-game series next week! I'm trying to convince Joe that we should sit third base-side so I can be close to Babyface in left field, but he thinks we should sit first base-side where the visitor's dugout is... so not only can I shout innappropriate things at Evans but also to Argenis Reyes :P **OH SHIT UPDATE EVANS IS PLAYING 1ST BASE SO THIS IS A WIN/WIN SITUATION!!!**

8) The return of baseball means Amanda's return to Kitty Hoynes. I haven't been there much over the last few months, but went on Wednesday for the first night game of the season. It was packed with Yankees fans. I cried a little inside. I just want it to be summer so I can have an empty weeknight bar...

And that pretty much sums up the last five days of my life.

PS A BONUS:

9) UNF UNF UNF BASEBALL PLAYERS IN TIGHT PANTS.

when i grow up... i wanna have boobies.

I've been thinking a lot of what I want to be when I grow up. I know... I should probably finish college first. I'm working on that. But in all honestly, what I'm returning to school for is not what I want to be for the rest of my life. You know why I like working in a nursing home right now? Because I can leave after four hours and not have to think about it 'til the next morning. When (if) I become the grand poobah, my life will be nursing home 24/7/365.

And I'm really bad at yelling at people verbally, so it probably won't work out.

Thusly, I've created a list of 10 things I should be in accordance to my likes and the perks I'd receive in said job positions. I know there are plenty of cons to each, but for now I'm focusing on positives =D

1) Hairdresser.
Pros: Free haircuts, haircolor, lots of bullshitting and shmoozing, can wear all black and not get asked if I'm going to a funeral, decent pay (the hairdresser at the nursing home makes $18 an HOUR... count me in plz).

2) Weather Forecaster.
Pros: Is not expected to be correct! Get to stand in front of a green screen and point at things - it's like a constant playtime.

3) Percussionist in a Symphony.
Pros: Make awesome money to play a wind chime, can wear all black (see?!), GET TO PLAY THE TRIANGLE, plenty of downtime between performances, can hit on the trumpet players.

4) Plug Box Maker.
Pros: Work when I want and from home, can charge a ridiculous amount of money for nonsensical things, can wear what I want and have piercings and tattoos, already have a market I can sell to, can work another job at the same time.

5) Porn Star.
Pros: Lots of sex, naked all the time, already have big boobs.

6) Doggie Kennel Owner.
Pros: Get to play with lots of puppies, can wear scrub clothes.

7) Blogger.
Pros: Write what I want and when I want, can do it on my own time, great at writing (uh, when I try hahaha) and understand grammar, can spend ungodly amounts of time on the computer for "research," I don't get butthurt when people don't like what I write.

8) Concert Reviewer.
Pros: Get to meet and see lots of awesome musical acts, can lambaste people I don't like, don't have to pay for shows, could probably wear all black and nobody would care.

9) Seamstress.
Pros: Can fix pretty clothes for myself, I already have a sewing machine, can charge ridiculous amounts of money to do simple things like hemming pants, can work at a relatively leisurely pace.

10) Tattoo Artist/Piercer.
Pros: Free piercings and tattoos (finally the sleeves I've dreamed about!), relaxed environment, can have large stretched lobes (!!!), can wear all black and not get asked if I'm going to a funeral (I sense a trend here).

kiddie snark

I was wasting some time online, checking out one of my least favorite LiveJournal groups (girls_with_ink, for those "interested") and one of the posts caught my attention. It was a "Show Me Your..." request for childrens' books related tattoos and it really brought me back to when I was a kid. People had the normal stuff - Harry Potter, Peter Pan, Winnie the Pooh - and I thought to myself, "damn, I never read those books when I was little." Instead, I read a lot of really obscure things... like the Clown Arounds.

And then I realized this is why I probably hate clowns now (well, those books and the "Unsolved Mysteries" episode about the boy who sees a floating clown in his room).

But I'm figuring out, as I get older, that a lot of the things I did as a kid really fucked me big time. So behold... my Top 10 childhood memories that reveal why I'm a leeeetle bit special now.

10) I got a Teddy Ruxpin for my first birthday... you know, the creepy ones that spoke and when its batteries wore down, it sounded possessed. There's a home video (one of few, since my parents didn't own a video camera) of my cousin opening it for me and me throwing a temper tantrum. In retailiation, years later at one of her birthdays, I opened a bunch of her gifts.

9) I got hit by a car when I was three. Isn't that enough said?

8) Sheena and I were obsessed with the Lion King soundtrack as soon as the movie came out (the movie, not surprisingly, we hadn't seen in theaters... my grandma bought us a bootleg copy of that and "Pocahontas"). My dad had a work friend over one night - a large, looming man that I didn't like (for reasons I can't remember) and her and I put on a rousing theatrical performance of "Be Prepared" to scare him away. Again, not surprisingly, I haven't seen that guy since.

7) My best friend Shannon and I were in Brownies together and, after doing a horseback riding unit, wanted to own a horse. We saved up money for weeks... until we realized it would be more fun to just blow all the money on makeup.

6) My parents would often take Sheena and I to Sylvan Beach (it's a little amusement park on Oneida Lake... very tacky and run down now). Right around this time, Red Hot Chili Peppers came out with "Under the Bridge" and I remember singing the chorus and thinking "OMG, they totally wrote this song about Sylvan Beach."

5) My grandma burned me with a cigarette when I was four. I remember it being at a family function at my old house on Dix Road (yup, Dix... oh, the irony) and it was on my upper right arm. My mother insists this didn't happen since "no one smoked in our house" but she lies - there are pictures of my father smoking on the couch, and furthermore, I have a scar there. Or maybe that's from chicken pox and I'm holding a wrongful grudge against my grandmother...

4) The first time I ever had a substitute teacher was the Friday before Easter in my kindergarten class. I shouldn't remember this, but it was a momentous day - we had to color pictures of rabbits and I colored mine rainbow. The sub told me I had to do it over and boyyyyy did I wail. And not color another one. RABBITS CAN BE RAINBOW COLORED, ok?

3) I LOVED Barbies. I had tons of them. Normal for a little girl.... except my Barbies rode around in a Tonka Truck. I also pierced them with my mom's earrings and gave them tattoos with gel pens.

2) My favorite book as a child (not the Clown Arounds, though those were up there on my list) was "An Elephant in the Living Room." A quick Google search revealed that the book wasn't merely about a nice, sad elephant stuck in an old lady's house... it was actually about alcoholism and addiction. Dear mom and dad - WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME?

1) I'm sure I listened to a lot of music very young (I already mentioned the RHCP song, but that took place later in life) - I vaguely remember a little Fischer-Price radio with built-in microphone that always had Kid Songz in it ("up, up and away in that beautiful balloon"). But my first memory of music is riding around in my dad's blue van. It was rusty and the color of robin eggs and only had two front seats; my mom would sit on a folding chair in back. His doors didn't lock and you didn't need a key to start the ignition - a screwdriver worked just fine. As soon as he turned that Phillips head, a very loud, metal song would scream out of the speakers. This song? "The Lumberjack" by Jackyl. There was a chainsaw solo. It was ten times of frightening and it scarred me for life. When we moved to our current house, my dad misplaced the cassette tape (a mix, recorded from songs on the radio).

...One day I'll find that cassette and it will reveal to me many more disturbing, repressed thoughts about my childhood, I'm absolutely sure of it.

trufax #342964: i have a fish calendar.

Although the process of breaking up leaves much to be desired, the process of "unbreaking up" has its downsides as well.

1) Routines.
I was JUST getting used to filling my daily routine with meaningless drivel (watching reruns of reality television, making "dinner" [noodles], sprawling out across my bed alone at any point in time, talking to the animals) when Joe decided that he was tired of being single and decided he wanted to start over (ok, there are plenty more reasons, but this is the simplest way to put it). Now my pattern of doing a whole lot of nothing is being replaced with getting overnight bags ready, making sure I don't forget my deoderant and finding a relatively safe spot on State Street to park. I almost miss sitting on Livejournal for hours on end - and I bet s_s misses me too.

2) Money.
Dating someone means spending money... in a loose way. I've been pretty on top of my bank account for the last month and spent a (good) bit "bettering" myself (buying new clothes and makeup so I don't look like a tired spinster when I go out) and a not-so-much bit on food. Joe and I really like eating out and the last week has proved that - with Tokyo Seoul, Erawan and The Mission happening in a span of six days. On top of that, having to pay rent (I forgot it was February already... ffffuuuuuuuu) and owing Sarah about $200 for utilities (and that doesn't even include Time Warner... again, fffffuuuuuu), I am back down to pennies and my food intake for this weekend will be limited to the two cans of sauerkraut and one can of green beans in my pantry - unless I decide to forgo the $3 screwdrivers I'll be drinking all night tonight.

3) Boobs.
My DDs have always posed a bit of a problem for me... good problems included. I've enjoyed showing off the tatas for the last three weeks in low-cut shirts and push-up bras and while my boyfriend certainly enjoys that, I feel a bit of a hussy when I go out without him flaunting the girls. Granted, I could wear a turtleneck and still have guys checking out my rack (which becomes a uniboob when faced with the frightening idea of being covered up) but still. I made the mistake of wearing a v-neck tee last night for Mexican food and found that the waiter addressed only me (until it came time for the check... where he handed it promptly to Joe).

4) Updating.
Telling friends really poses no challenges. Most figure it out when you change your Facebook status to "In a Relationship" - but that always yields the latent "You and so-and-so are back together?!" text messages from people you don't see on a regular basis and saying "yes" to that question/remark inevitably leads to "This is like a Beverly Hills 90210 episode" (which yes, it might just be!). The problem arises in telling family members - specifically mothers - who want nothing to do with you falling back into a relationship that they deemed "doomed" when the breakup occurred. No matter how much they like/seem to like this person you're in love with, the cautious "ok, well do what makes you happy" (complete with sigh) never ceases. To this, I say "Fuck the Haters." I am not a spineless girl, I know what I'm doing. When the topic of "you're young, you have your whole life to find someone" comes up (which it always does with my mother), I have to resist the urge to say "Well yeah, but I've gone through a fair share of partners that I want nothing to do with"...

5) Preoccupation.
Don't get me wrong, I love writing - whether it's on my own, in my blog, what be it - but my writings always seem to fall by the wayside because it's much more fun to spend an evening watching a crappy horror movie with your significant other than it is to let the world (or the five people who read this) know that your life is hunky-dory. I'm sure I'll have a post this weekend - namely because the boy is in Boston and I'll be out celebrating fake-single-girl status with Sarah - but come next week, it's back to the grind... and occupied Amanda.

like i need a hole in my head

Top Ten Snark on Syracuse University

10) It's Winter... Dress Like It.
I went down to Marshall Street last night for a friend's birthday (actually two friends', but I didn't know about one of them 'til I actually showed up... oops). I witnessed no fewer than 10 girls wearing dresses. No coats, no scarves, no mittens, just dresses. Seriously? It was 15 degrees last night and windy. I know it's not exactly *~*stylinnnn~*~ to wear layers and layers of clothes, and even I don't wear boots when I really should, but that is why there are COAT RACKS at bars. You wear it... then you take it off. Hard concept of comprehension is hard.

9) It's not 2001 Anymore.
Enough of the pink shirts and popped collars. You look like a douchebag. I do not want to sleep with you.

8) One-Way Streets - Exactly What the Name Implies.
So why did I see so many cars going UP South Crouse en route to the game on Sunday? Is it really that hard to go a block up or down so you can travel in the direction you want? And - bigger question - why isn't anyone pulling you over?

7) There is More to Life Than Your Major.
I don't care that you're a super smart law major. Fucking great for you, silent high five. I don't want to hear about how your classes are so hard, you have no time to do anything... YET YOU ARE ON MARSHALL STREET drinking on a Thursday. Oh my god, you're so broke because you pay $40k+ a year YET YOU ARE ON MARSHALL STREET drinking $7 pint glasses of vodka Red Bull. How about you take your extra four hours a night devoted to chugging cheap beer and get yourself a part-time job so you can have *GASP* real world experience?

6) Sidewalks: Walking -> Streets: _______ (Hint: NOT WALKING).
Clearly you scored terribly on the SATs because you don't understand this.

5) Starbuxxx.
C'mon, Dunkin' Donuts is way tastier. And cheaper. And you don't look cooler when you're holding a Starbucks cup, I swear.... you look like a knockoff cheap crackwhore version of Lindsay Lohan. I'm seriously going to start calling you Swarley if you don't stop.

4) Even/Odd is NOT Hard to Understand
Yet I have to dodge cars left and right all day, every day because some douche in an SUV parks on the wrong side of the street GOING THE WRONG WAY on the narrow side streets.

3) No, I'm not a Student. Yes, I Live on the Hill... STILL not a Student.
I live on Westcott. This doesn't mean that I still go to SU... because I don't. What? You don't understand? Well it's not difficult. I LIVE IN THE UNIVERSITY AREA BUT I DON'T GO TO SYRACUSE UNIVERSITY. I didn't grow up in the area, but I do live here. I work here. I used to go to school here, but I don't anymore. Why? Well, have you actually read through these reasons? ...That's why.

2) Gauges. Enough Said.
The girl taking the cover charge (yeah, I said WAT too) at Faegan's last night had a nice septum ring in... a small diameter, small gauge captive ball ring. Not my personal aesthetic (give me larger gauges and a nice organic or glass pincher, please), but FWIW, it looked nice on her. So I said "Hey, I like your septum!" and she replied with "Thanks! I like your gauges!" Cue emotional breakdown (on my part). I am kicking myself swiftly in the shins for even mentioning anything about body mods when that close to Halo. When the school newspaper runs a piece about "~*~sweet gaugez bra~*~" I suppose the hivemind listens. As for my corrections? Apparently no-one paid attention. Is sad.

1) SU is not Syracuse... and Syracuse is NOT SU.
Just because Nancy Cantor thinks the only source of income for Syracuse is the university doesn't mean that's true. Her Connective Corridor nonsense? Epic fail. Most students don't realize there is more to Syracuse than the one square mile of campus and it really disappoints me. They don't know what they're missing! (Of course, they can keep out of my bars... I don't mind that at all :P)

i penguin-suited up.

Life Snark (or Why None of my Pants Fit Anymore)

1) A Shot to the Head Just so You Can be Fed?
So I may or may not have written how I'm not eating meat in the new year. All's well and fine with that, except that meat is the only thing I crave. Like, ever. If I go back for seconds (and thirds and fourths) at dinner, it's for meat (and not man meat... heyo). All I want to eat right now is a roast beef sandwich from Clarks... and I don't even like roast beef, but they have delicious cheddar and onions and I had one last week while hammered and it was the most scrumptious thing I've tasted in.... 23 days. Having a vegetarian roommate has its advantages too, because I'm too lazy to go out and buy meat and she doesn't have any on-hand. So basically, I haven't been eating much besides Easy Mac cups and coffee. As a result, my pants won't stay up.

2) The Hardest Part of Breaking Up:
I have lots of money. This shouldn't be a bad thing, but it is, because I am the world's worst money saver and it burns holes in my pockets. When I was dating Joe, I didn't have tons of money - I had enough to do with what I pleased, but not so much that I'm throwing it on the floor and rolling around in it. Now I have that much. And since I don't really eat, I can't spend it on that. I don't really like any clothes that are out in stores right now (except Target, and I'm relatively sure I own at least half of the spring Mossimo line already). I bought two pairs of jeans, but they're still too big on my butt - because I don't have one. Kinda like concave chest boy has no chest... or anti-chest... wait, what?

3) Being Thrown Under a Bus... Repeatedly. Not Fun, Actually Stressful.
I think this one might speak for itself. I'm tired of it. Like, completely fed up, need to do something about it tired. And it's seemingly by everyone. And it would be fine retribution if I actually DID the things I'm being accused of, but I DIDN'T - and I don't throw people under busses myself, so there is literally no reason other than I'm Amanda and I'm a great scapegoat. To reiterate: I do not go out and drink 24/7. I do not sit in my room and drink by myself because I have a terrible life and feel guilty about spending time on my own. I don't get so wasted that I don't remember my name (most of the time); I don't spend my entire paycheck at the bar (I get free drinks because I have awesome boobs). I don't have sex with everyone with a dick. I don't conveniently forget to do things at work - I don't do them because I don't KNOW to do them and no-one has told me to do them. I DON'T APPRECIATE PASSIVE-AGRESSION. If I do something wrong, say it to my face. I have enough decency to do it for you; please give me the same respect back, please and thanks.


And there you have it. These three things compounded - along with others that I don't feel like going into and really don't matter - have caused me to not fit into any of my clothes.

(I should actually be happy about this, yes?)

tales of a "relationship" drawn out over two and a half years... oh fuck me.

Back in the middle of May of 2006, I met this guy at a frat party (SU's loser frat). We decided to "date but not really" because we were both leaving Syracuse for the summer. He visited me in Westmo for my birthday and I realized that the "relationship" was all sorts of wrong. I dumped him at the end of May (both because I didn't like him and I was mackin' on another so much better guy) over the phone with my best friend sitting next to me because as much as I didn't like him, I don't like breaking up with people much more. The phone call went something like what follows:

Me: This isn't going to work. *giggles with Sara*
Him: NOOOO I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU I DON'T UNDERSTAND BIG SADFACE TIME D=
Me: You don't love me; you just love my doggie style.
Sara: YEAH DOGGIE STYLE
Him: NO I WILL BURN AND PINE FOR YOU FOREVERRR
Sara: Oh he is taking this well.
Me: Good luck with allllll that PEACE OUT.

He sent me various text messages and voicemails for a few days after the "breakup" but I didn't respond because I was busy with the other guy (who ended up dumping me for some other scene girl... OHH BOOO-UURNNNN). Late in August, I went back to SU. One night I found a bag of Reeces peanut butter cups and a can of chicken noodle soup hanging from my door... I get all excited, thinking that my roommate was back and enticing me so I walk in the dorm and nobody's there. Whatever, I'll eat the candy anyway. Then I get a text message from a number I don't recognize...

Random number: Oh hey did you get my package?
Me: I LOVE REECES OMNOMNOM WHO THE HELL ARE YOU
Random number: ITS ME YOUR LONG LOST LOVER
Me: Oh hell no.
Him: Let's go get ice cream.
Me: Let's not. Let's never.
Him: I BURN I PINE I PERISH D=
Me: Tough shit.

This goes on every couple months until I see him at another frat party (and I'm extremely inebriated and not from alcohol) and tell him, point blank, that I will never like him and to get over it because you're freaking me out. I thought he got the point... OH NO HE DOES NOT GET IT. Towards the end of November 2008 I was on instant messenger (which I NEVER go on because my computer is the suck) and the second I sign on, I get a message. FROM HIM. Um hi, have my name on alert much?

Him: Oh hey sup. *sends creepy vibes*
Me: jfc are you serious.
Him: I have a radio show. It's so cool, I'm so cool, I'm on the radio. RADIO RADIO RADIO.
Me: That's because you'd scare people if you were on TV.
Him: What are you doing?
Me: Sleeping/shopping/pulling my nails out at the cuticle/not hanging out with you.
Him: You should come to the radio station. I'm on the radio now.
Me: FUCKING GREAT.
Him: So?
Me: No thanks, too busy causing bodily harm because that's more comfortable than seeing you.
Him: I can put your band on the radio because I have a radio show.
Me: I'm not in a band anymore.
Him: Why?
Me: Because I'm a skank and broke up with the drummer to fuck the singer.
Him: Well then you can come down to the radio and hang out with me while I talk on the radio.
Me: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE RADIO.

(Then my computer mysteriously shut off... oh, oops.)

I keep getting texts once in awhile from him saying "Sup"... I know he just wants me to come down to the RADIO and hear his bad-ass RADIO show because he's an awesome RADIO DJ (read: come down there and fall in love with him) but I don't reply. But last night I was feeling pretty over this obnoxiousness and when I got the following text message, I had had enough. It was time. BIG TIME TIME. AND PLEASE NOTE: THE FOLLOWING EXCHANGE IS FOR REAL! I didn't paraphrase/overexaggerate or anything... this shit's for real.

Him: Sup?
Me: Um nothing what's up with u?
Him: Chilling you in cuse?
Me: Yes I live here
Him: Cool we should chil (sic)
Me: Yeah... no.
Him: wtf?
Me: We're not going to hang out.

...I think he's finally getting the picture.

esther used to be the type of lover you would never leave... YEAH

Holiday Snark? OH WHY YES VIRGINIA THERE IS A SNARK CLAUS!

1) Oh god, the Christmas music. I've been hearing it since Thanksgiving (care of the therapy department across the hall) and if I heard Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You" one more time, I was bound to go crazy. There are only two Christmas songs I can stand/can say I just about ENJOY: "Last Christmas" (more so The Youth Ahead's version, but George Michael is fine as well) and "Baby It's Cold Outside" (which I didn't hear AT ALL this year, aside from the few viewings of "Elf" [LOVE ZOOEY DESCHANEL]). 'Course, Everclear's "Hating You for Christmas" is a perennial fave, but I didn't really have anyone to hate this year so it wasn't quite as fun.

2) I have been going to my grandma's house on Christmas Eve for 21 years now and for those last 21 years I have never eaten the fish (we're pseudo-Italians so my gma makes the seven goddamn fishes). And every year I have to hear "OH MANDY I DIDN'T KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE FISH." Yes grandma, yes you do. You're just senile. (For the record, she also made chicken alfredo [with chicken?]).

3) We all know my grandfather died. I'm sure we were all thinking about how much it sucks he wasn't there. But my dad REALLY didn't have to say "Sure wish Poppie was here" in place of the Grace that Poppie always said. (Grieving does not an appetite make.) I also don't want to continue thinking about it all night - I don't like crying when my boyfriend is trying to give me jewelry.

4) My relatives all think it's not safe to travel overseas (these are the same relatives that work for the government). They also think I will never get a job because of my tattoo and that Obama will be assassinated at his inaugeration. OH MY GOD LOOK IN THE SKY THERE'S A PIG AND IT'S FLYING!

5) Continuing on with my clearly off-base relatives... they implemented this rule that only kids under 18 get gifts from aunts/uncles. But they still buy for eachother. This means a) the adults all got gifts; b) my sister (17) and my youngest cousin (16) both got gifts; and c) Sheena, Jimmy and I watched empty-handed while everyone opened said gifts. I don't care what the fuck political party you're in - that's just not right. Because I'm not a minor and/or married, I don't get a present? HAS MY FAMILY NEVER HEARD OF SECRET SANTA? It's not like there's 50 of us... IGDI D=

Happy fucking holidays bitches.



(In good news, my boyfran got me the prettiest necklace EVAR! DIAMONDS ARE MY BEST FRIEND THIS SEALS THE DEAL.)

life snark part 2379871

1) I got my left helix punched on Tuesday (see here for example; I have no pictures of mine yet). John uses a punch and taper method to quell bleeding, so I was punched at ~7g and immediately stretched to 6g. The punch wasn't as painful as everyone had led me to believe (and I've had my conch punched in the past... this was less painful) but I fear the healing's going to be the terrible part. I can't sleep on my left side - my normal sleeping side - so I keep tossing and turning and end up face-down, not breathing and it's hard to adjust my glasses because the stem sits directly underneath the end of the plug (a very nice indigo sparkle colorfront) I've been popping three Motrins every four hours, mostly to keep the swelling down but it's also kept the pain at bay too. Right now I'm a bit swollen... my worst swelling days post-piercing are typically days 3-5... and I'm a bit throbby but not too bad. And lucky me... I get to do this again in 6 months on the other side!

2) After getting the punch, Sarah and I went to KH (duh... Tuesday...). There was a group of guys to our right, probably thirty-somethings but definitely on the cuter side. Sarah fell in love with Bass-man, a bearded hippyman, and one of the other guys tried to hit on me using an opening line of "So I see you have an iPhone... well, I work for Apple." In my head I'm thinking "OK... you're either lying because there's no corporate Apple office around here or you're working retail at age 35" but I politely said yes and told him that the touchpad should have bigger letters because I'm not able to text and drive (yes, illegal... but c'mon). We commisserated over our huge bumbling thumbs and then Luke brought the food and we said sayanara to the creepos.

3) Speaking of Sarah, she's been sick the last two days. OH HELLO AGAIN LARGE PAYCHECK. (Or hello again living hell of 7-3?)

4) It's snowing. Pretty heavily, actually. I think we're supposed to get ~7 inches or snow. Bad news for girlfriend, who needs three new tires and has crappy brakes. Since my apartment is uphill from work, I fully intend on not going there when my workday is done. At least boyfriend's place is downhill...

5) David Paterson loves his taxes. I suppose his intentions are good - NYS needs the money - but it looks like the only thing I'm NOT going to be taxed on is sitting on my ass and doing nothing. Taxes on soda, taxes on gym memberships (what a double-edged sword we swing). Taxes on books and music (both physical and digital). Taxes on online purchases, clothing, television and internet services. More gas taxes. Wine tax, beer tax, cigarette and cigar tax. OH EXCUSE ME DAVE I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO STAGE A BOSTON TEA PARTY IN 2008.

snow snark

Things I've Learned In The Past Three Hours

1) Not all boots are waterproof. Not even close. Especially boots from Target that cost $20. Do not go out in mucky snow-water because your boots will get wet and you will have a very chilly day at work.

2) Plows may clear the road, but they cover your car. To the point of where you cannot even see your car. And then you have to find a maintenance man to give you a shovel so you can unearth your car. Also, sometimes plows like to take cars with them (not my car [thank god]... but somebody's car) and leave them halfway up hills. Not good, plows, not good.

3) When you haven't shoveled snow in two years, it hurts your snow-shoveling necrotized muscles. Take caution in the "scoop and fling" method because this can make your entire right side feel like you've been struck by a giant moose (or some other large roaming antlered animal).

4) Waking up five minutes early does not constitute as early enough because when your car is buried, it takes more than five minutes to find it.

5) Though your car may miraculously start well enough when covered in a foot of snow, chances are street meters won't. Do not keep forcing quarters into the frozen machine; it will make a noise quite similar to a coffee grinder and a little robotic voice will repeat "OUT OF ORDER OUT OF ORDER" and not give you your meter ticket.

6) Syracuse Parking Violations does not care about the non-functional street meters. Mabel might put a hold on your car for the day so you do not get a ticket, but you still have to go outside every two hours and put a new note on your dashboard WITH AN ENVELOPE OF QUARTERS so the meter maid can collect it. (Mabel may or may not be an outsourced employee stationed in India that does not really understand the concept "non-functional meter.")

7) You know those plows that plow the roads? They do not plow the sidewalks. You'll likely slip and bust your ass in front of random people on Marshall Street because those boots that aren't waterproof? Also have no traction.

Today is a bad day.

it's friday... im in loooove

I have no snark, only happiness, for today has plenty of wonderful things including:

1) MY NEW TATTOO! It's amazing and my tattoo artist, Rick, was awesome. To the right there is a terrible iphone picture with a toilet in the background :P The story behind it is such: My first memory of my grandpa was being at camp when I was around 3 and him giving me a sip of his beer. It was always a dream of mine to have him buy me my first legal beer but he passed away a week before my 21st birthday. The quote (since it's not really clear in the picture) is "drink to the foam 'til we meet once more" from "Anchors Aweigh" (he was in the Navy when he was younger).

2) Having lunch with Whitney (which is why I'm still at work... pretending to work).

3) FUCKING HALLOWEEN!

Need I say moar?

i'm late again... i fail at blogs.

Last week my mom and I were talking about a family acquaintance who has a son with severe mental problems brought on by drug use. I knew the kid in high school - he was a grade below me and we had mutual friends and there was always something a bit "off" about him and while we weren't friends, we were always aware each other existed. My strongest memory of the guy is being at lunch at Nice&Easy with my boyfriend of the time (Michael) and him swinging me around onto his back for a piggy back ride back to school.

Well, the kid got into a lot of drugs... like, super psychedelics and heroin, I believe. He's overdosed quite a few times and has been placed in a mental institution that he promptly checked himself out of. Most recently, the father (the family acquaintance) left his job to help this kid out. My mom remarked that the family would be better off if the kid just killed himself.

The fact that my MOTHER (who cries when she hits a squirrel with her car) said that took me back a bit... but then it got me thinking. If suicide/assisted suicide is best for everyone in a situation, why WOULDN'T it be legal? This kid would be out of pain, the family wouldn't have to worry about him overdosing every second of the day...

There's an ongoing case in the UK regarding assisted suicide (can be read: http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/10/23/uk.switzerland.assisted.suicide/index.html?iref=mpstoryview). Quick synopsis is that this kid was paralyzed during a rugby game, traveled to Switzerland (where assisted suicide is legal) under his parents' OK and now the parents may be charged for allowing him to go through with it. I see a lot of problems in this whole thing...

1) The kid didn't want to live in pain. He wasn't able to do the one thing he loved - play rugby - and couldn't do normal things that we all take for granted (walking, writing, going to a regular school, getting up to grab the remote). Essentially, his will to live wasn't there. The best thing in his mind was to move on from this world. Instead of jumping off a cliff or slitting his wrists, he died in peace with his family surrounding him in a place where assisted living is legal. He is now being prosecuted - posthumously - for actions he felt would better the lives of the people around him.

2) His parents AGREED with him. I'm sure they didn't go around saying "OMG I WANT MY KID TO DIE HE SHOULDN'T LIVE ANYMORE" but they recognized that he didn't want to be alive any longer and respected his wishes. The kid was able to make decisions for himself and was a legal adult - they didn't make this decision for him. The only thing they did was love their son and respect what he wanted to do.

3) I am troubled by the fact that they had to go to Switzerland to get this done. I don't know the laws pertaining to such decisions, but I'd bet on saying there are some legality issues if the person isn't a Switzerland citizen. That being said... it's legal there. Why does the British Royal government need to know what happened in another country if it isn't wrong in said country? Is this some "big brother" nonsense going on?

My personal feelings: The kid can do what he wants. I know some will counter with the argument that I *CAN'T* know what the family is going through because I haven't been through it, but seriously... If my mother was in a car accident and paralyzed completely, living in pain, but still had brain function and could make her own decisions and decided the best thing for her was to quietly and painlessly pass on, I would respect her wishes to do so. It's hard to see a family member die, but I feel it's harder to see them in never-ending pain. Assisted suicide is a dignified way to die... it's not throwing yourself off the 6th floor of the mall and hurting other people in the process...

"why do you look like a pin cushion?"

I'm working 7-3 today. JOY. It's been ONE hour so far and I'm already itching to do jumping jacks or something.

I went home after work yesterday and cooked chicken riggies as a surprise for my mother. She had no idea I was coming home (my dad did... I had to make sure they weren't going somewhere at dinner!) and I really had her surprised. It's nice going home on my own terms (i.e., when I WANT to, not when I HAVE to) because I feel much more inclined to stay around and not jet off to go get coffee with Michael or visit Matty at the shop. I even stopped by my grandma's house, but she wasn't home (so I left her a goody bag for Halloween).

It was surprising, actually, that I didn't feel like leaving. I really wanted to stay the night (but didn't really want to wake up at 5:30 in the morning to leave). I got back to Syracuse around 9 and I knew that I would be in for an unsettling night. And unsettling it was. It's like all the sudden a switch turned off and shit started going awry. I have this nauseous feeling deep in my stomach and I feel like I could burst out crying at any moment. Nothing can calm me and it doesn't feel good. And I don't know if it's me/my head/what...

...and I've been feeling like I left a lot of friends behind in the past year or so. I can't blame anyone but myself but it really sucks. I invited Jamie to come out with me tonight and also left another friend a message... I hope he comes too. Or maybe Jamie and I will bake cake and drink rum 'til we pass out. You know, something to ease the ache in my body...

somebody gonna tell the truth up in this bitch.

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epic grey's is not epic =/

I spoketh too soon.

I got my rally cap on because the boys are going to MAKE IT WORK (copyright Tim Gunn). Ryan Church is going to do amazing things and hooooooooh boy do I have a proverbial hard-on for Ramon Martinez. http://newyork.mets.mlb.com/media/video.jsp?c_id=nym (Click on "Church Avoids the Tag" because I can't figure out how to embed the video =/ )

In snark news:

1) Grey's Anatomy premiere? NOT EPIC. Those two hours could have easily been condensed into 30 minutes. Callie and Erica are lesbians? Duh. Lexie is in love with George? Duh. Meredith is wishy-washy on moving in with Derrick? Duh. The only thing I DIDN'T see coming was McArmyman and Christina... holy hell. And now I have to wait TWO weeks for a new episode... but this one looks to be epic. We shall see...

2) Syracuse University closed off the walkway between Comstock and Shaw and SU students are PIIIISSSSED. Um, hello? Whine-one-one? I need a whambulance, STAT! (gobigpelf = ME). Oh my god, it's going to add 30 seconds to your daily walk if you have to go around Shaw. THE FUCKING HORRORS. Quit your whining and drive your Beemer to campus to park illegally. Your parents will pay for your parking tickets, no questions.

3) The power went out here at work today for a split second... in which time I lost ALL my unsaved computer documents. Including all my work that needs to be done daily. WHAT THE HELL. IT'S NOT EVEN STORMING (yet).

That's all she wrote.

gobama!

There have been quite a few irritating things this week....

1) RNC. (Actually it's been more funny than irritating, but I can still snark it, right?) Sarah Palin is a joke and I can't wait to hear a vice-presidential debate between her and Biden. I can hear the exchange right now...

Announcer: "Ms. Palin, what is your stance on abortion?"
Palin: "ZYGOTES ARE CHILDREN TOO! I have 5 children and my underage child is pregnant, but it's totally chill - teehee! - because she's going to marry the husband - not that she wants to but it's the RIGHT thing to do, God told me in my dreams. Um... don't kill babies? They're cute and cuddly, teehee. Also I have a baby with Down Syndrome, God bless his beautiful little heart. McCain thinks he's cute and pats his head like a little dog, teehee.
Announcer: (snickers) "Rebuttal, Mr. Biden?"
Biden: (near hysterics) "No fucking comment" (ROFL'ing)

PS: I spent most of the broadcast searching for minorities in the audience. Aside from the McCain's "adopted daughter" (not that she has a choice in the matter of what side to pick), I saw 0. But guess how many cowboy hats I saw?

2) FYI THERE ARE TWO NEW YORK ML BASEBALL TEAMS AND ONE IS NOT THE RED SOX THANK YOU VERY MUCH. So why, when I walk into "Cooperstown Connection," is there ONLY Red Sox and Yankees paraphanalia?! I can get a GIANT Yankees logo to put on my car, but forget about the Mets... apparently the only three people on our team are Reyes, Delgado and Wright.

3) I got a raise at work... $.40. REALLY. I was supposed to go up by $1.00...

4) SU students. I just want to play bowling with them... as in: get in my car, hit the gas and run over as many as possible (<----is a terrible person). What is so hard about NOT WALKING OUT IN FRONT OF CARS? Also, PLEASE BIKE WITH TRAFFIC AND FOLLOW THE SAME RULES AS A CAR! I can't tell you how many times I've been driving in front of a bike, go to make a right turn and I have to slam on my brakes because they just keep driving forward to the right of me without looking. YOU CANNOT PASS ME ON THE RIGHT! I WILL HIT YOU AND MY INSURANCE WILL GO UP (but boy will it be fun and totally worth it...)

5) I am apparently lactose-intolerant now. Wish I'd known that before I'd eaten the three dixie cups of ice cream that wasn't even very delicious...