snow snark

Things I've Learned In The Past Three Hours

1) Not all boots are waterproof. Not even close. Especially boots from Target that cost $20. Do not go out in mucky snow-water because your boots will get wet and you will have a very chilly day at work.

2) Plows may clear the road, but they cover your car. To the point of where you cannot even see your car. And then you have to find a maintenance man to give you a shovel so you can unearth your car. Also, sometimes plows like to take cars with them (not my car [thank god]... but somebody's car) and leave them halfway up hills. Not good, plows, not good.

3) When you haven't shoveled snow in two years, it hurts your snow-shoveling necrotized muscles. Take caution in the "scoop and fling" method because this can make your entire right side feel like you've been struck by a giant moose (or some other large roaming antlered animal).

4) Waking up five minutes early does not constitute as early enough because when your car is buried, it takes more than five minutes to find it.

5) Though your car may miraculously start well enough when covered in a foot of snow, chances are street meters won't. Do not keep forcing quarters into the frozen machine; it will make a noise quite similar to a coffee grinder and a little robotic voice will repeat "OUT OF ORDER OUT OF ORDER" and not give you your meter ticket.

6) Syracuse Parking Violations does not care about the non-functional street meters. Mabel might put a hold on your car for the day so you do not get a ticket, but you still have to go outside every two hours and put a new note on your dashboard WITH AN ENVELOPE OF QUARTERS so the meter maid can collect it. (Mabel may or may not be an outsourced employee stationed in India that does not really understand the concept "non-functional meter.")

7) You know those plows that plow the roads? They do not plow the sidewalks. You'll likely slip and bust your ass in front of random people on Marshall Street because those boots that aren't waterproof? Also have no traction.

Today is a bad day.