like i need a hole in my head

Top Ten Snark on Syracuse University

10) It's Winter... Dress Like It.
I went down to Marshall Street last night for a friend's birthday (actually two friends', but I didn't know about one of them 'til I actually showed up... oops). I witnessed no fewer than 10 girls wearing dresses. No coats, no scarves, no mittens, just dresses. Seriously? It was 15 degrees last night and windy. I know it's not exactly *~*stylinnnn~*~ to wear layers and layers of clothes, and even I don't wear boots when I really should, but that is why there are COAT RACKS at bars. You wear it... then you take it off. Hard concept of comprehension is hard.

9) It's not 2001 Anymore.
Enough of the pink shirts and popped collars. You look like a douchebag. I do not want to sleep with you.

8) One-Way Streets - Exactly What the Name Implies.
So why did I see so many cars going UP South Crouse en route to the game on Sunday? Is it really that hard to go a block up or down so you can travel in the direction you want? And - bigger question - why isn't anyone pulling you over?

7) There is More to Life Than Your Major.
I don't care that you're a super smart law major. Fucking great for you, silent high five. I don't want to hear about how your classes are so hard, you have no time to do anything... YET YOU ARE ON MARSHALL STREET drinking on a Thursday. Oh my god, you're so broke because you pay $40k+ a year YET YOU ARE ON MARSHALL STREET drinking $7 pint glasses of vodka Red Bull. How about you take your extra four hours a night devoted to chugging cheap beer and get yourself a part-time job so you can have *GASP* real world experience?

6) Sidewalks: Walking -> Streets: _______ (Hint: NOT WALKING).
Clearly you scored terribly on the SATs because you don't understand this.

5) Starbuxxx.
C'mon, Dunkin' Donuts is way tastier. And cheaper. And you don't look cooler when you're holding a Starbucks cup, I swear.... you look like a knockoff cheap crackwhore version of Lindsay Lohan. I'm seriously going to start calling you Swarley if you don't stop.

4) Even/Odd is NOT Hard to Understand
Yet I have to dodge cars left and right all day, every day because some douche in an SUV parks on the wrong side of the street GOING THE WRONG WAY on the narrow side streets.

3) No, I'm not a Student. Yes, I Live on the Hill... STILL not a Student.
I live on Westcott. This doesn't mean that I still go to SU... because I don't. What? You don't understand? Well it's not difficult. I LIVE IN THE UNIVERSITY AREA BUT I DON'T GO TO SYRACUSE UNIVERSITY. I didn't grow up in the area, but I do live here. I work here. I used to go to school here, but I don't anymore. Why? Well, have you actually read through these reasons? ...That's why.

2) Gauges. Enough Said.
The girl taking the cover charge (yeah, I said WAT too) at Faegan's last night had a nice septum ring in... a small diameter, small gauge captive ball ring. Not my personal aesthetic (give me larger gauges and a nice organic or glass pincher, please), but FWIW, it looked nice on her. So I said "Hey, I like your septum!" and she replied with "Thanks! I like your gauges!" Cue emotional breakdown (on my part). I am kicking myself swiftly in the shins for even mentioning anything about body mods when that close to Halo. When the school newspaper runs a piece about "~*~sweet gaugez bra~*~" I suppose the hivemind listens. As for my corrections? Apparently no-one paid attention. Is sad.

1) SU is not Syracuse... and Syracuse is NOT SU.
Just because Nancy Cantor thinks the only source of income for Syracuse is the university doesn't mean that's true. Her Connective Corridor nonsense? Epic fail. Most students don't realize there is more to Syracuse than the one square mile of campus and it really disappoints me. They don't know what they're missing! (Of course, they can keep out of my bars... I don't mind that at all :P)