I've been thinking a lot of what I want to be when I grow up. I know... I should probably finish college first. I'm working on that. But in all honestly, what I'm returning to school for is not what I want to be for the rest of my life. You know why I like working in a nursing home right now? Because I can leave after four hours and not have to think about it 'til the next morning. When (if) I become the grand poobah, my life will be nursing home 24/7/365.
And I'm really bad at yelling at people verbally, so it probably won't work out.
Thusly, I've created a list of 10 things I should be in accordance to my likes and the perks I'd receive in said job positions. I know there are plenty of cons to each, but for now I'm focusing on positives =D
1) Hairdresser.
Pros: Free haircuts, haircolor, lots of bullshitting and shmoozing, can wear all black and not get asked if I'm going to a funeral, decent pay (the hairdresser at the nursing home makes $18 an HOUR... count me in plz).
2) Weather Forecaster.
Pros: Is not expected to be correct! Get to stand in front of a green screen and point at things - it's like a constant playtime.
3) Percussionist in a Symphony.
Pros: Make awesome money to play a wind chime, can wear all black (see?!), GET TO PLAY THE TRIANGLE, plenty of downtime between performances, can hit on the trumpet players.
4) Plug Box Maker.
Pros: Work when I want and from home, can charge a ridiculous amount of money for nonsensical things, can wear what I want and have piercings and tattoos, already have a market I can sell to, can work another job at the same time.
5) Porn Star.
Pros: Lots of sex, naked all the time, already have big boobs.
6) Doggie Kennel Owner.
Pros: Get to play with lots of puppies, can wear scrub clothes.
7) Blogger.
Pros: Write what I want and when I want, can do it on my own time, great at writing (uh, when I try hahaha) and understand grammar, can spend ungodly amounts of time on the computer for "research," I don't get butthurt when people don't like what I write.
8) Concert Reviewer.
Pros: Get to meet and see lots of awesome musical acts, can lambaste people I don't like, don't have to pay for shows, could probably wear all black and nobody would care.
9) Seamstress.
Pros: Can fix pretty clothes for myself, I already have a sewing machine, can charge ridiculous amounts of money to do simple things like hemming pants, can work at a relatively leisurely pace.
10) Tattoo Artist/Piercer.
Pros: Free piercings and tattoos (finally the sleeves I've dreamed about!), relaxed environment, can have large stretched lobes (!!!), can wear all black and not get asked if I'm going to a funeral (I sense a trend here).
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1 comment:
*sigh*...
You and your idealist list... you only showed the pros! let me help.
1) hairdresser - bullshitting and shmoozing? you realize that a lot of bitches are going to come through your door? Their haircut is never right, but you're the one that's suppose to do it. Also unless you're owning your own business or styling for Jessica Simpson, $18/hr is probably your ceiling for pay per hour if you factor in taxes, expenses of having a booth somewhere etc..
2) Weather Forecaster - You have to be up early to let people know what the weather is going to be like on their way into work. No one ever takes you seriously because you're the weather guy... you couldn't tell if it was raining if you were standing in the rain.
3) Percussionist in a symphony - CONS - You play the wind chime. Wynton Marcellus didn't start out in percussion, neither did YoYo Ma. Name a famous percussionist... mainstream music does not count.
You'd probably have to stand next to the guy who was playing the crash symbols, trumpet players are not hot (I.E. - Chris Vaughn?).
4)Plug Box Maker - what's the point of having piercings and tattoos if you're going to sit around at home? part of having a tattoo is being able to show it off.
You'd probably have to have another job at the same time
5)Porn Star - (This one always comes up...)Lots of sex with people that have the aesthetics of Ron Jeremy.
That's a lot of semen to swallow.
6)Doggie Kennel owner - Puppies make messes in more ways than one.
Not all kenneled dogs are clean, some are downright gross, ugly not and well kept.
7)Blogger.
You blog all day about your boring life. Our lives are actually somewhat interesting right now and look at how little of a following you/we have right now.
8)Concert reviewer - You realize people can lambaste you back right?
9)seamstress - aren't there enough pricks in your life without adding another one?
10) Tattoo Artist/piercer - Hope you can sterilize well, because you'll be out of business if you can't. Hope you can draw too... because I wouldn't want a PoS tattoo.
Btw... black isn't cool, you just don't know what looks good on you. I tell morgan that all the time. She likes black clothing.
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