you weren't born when that song was written, were you?

I really wish I had something worthwhile to post. Instead... it's motherfucking list time.

- I work six days a week now. I shouldn't complain - I finally get decent hours (unlike over the summer where I was practically blowing HR to give me a day) and working on weekends means I can do my homework but my tasks are so mundane. Here Amanda, go file all these employee records and see whose folder is missing (um, like half of them). Amanda, go to the bank... and get coffee for everyone. I'm even helping the administrator and get the mind-numbing task of tallying the census. Just give me a job description and DAILY TASKS. And a desk that people won't steal from me. AND FOR FUCKS SAKE DO NOT CALL ME IN ON MY DAY OFF (this means you, mother).

- My grandpa is doing better. The one super thing about my job is that, because he's living at the facility for rehab, I get to see him everyday. And his day-to-day progress is ridiculous. Two weeks ago he was on a respirator, had pneumonia and sepsis and wasn't expected to get any better... now he's doing laps around the lobby and eating regular food and listening to the Yankees (much to my chagrin, but hey...). 

- I'm off the baseball bandwagon 'til spring training. There's no point in watching when your team barely even shows up for games (oh they're physically there [uh, the ones that are healthy enough] but so complacent that they literally don't even swing. And Jerry won't give Nick Evans a chance so I'm also on the "I hate Jerry" bandwagon because Nick Evans is dreamy and has more talent than pretty-faced Daniel Murphy). Joe and I have been tossing the idea around of going to PSL for spring training, but of course we know that means I'll be dumped at the end of January, taken back a day before Valentine's Day (and spend the hours before promising hosts at Pascale dirty bathroom sex in exchange for a table) and then not actually going to PSL...

Shut up, I'm still bitter.

- Scott and Katie's wedding reception was awesome. The actual CEREMONY scared me - Jesus was in a pressure cooker, they need to have lots of Catholic babies, blah blah blah - but the reception was crazy. Open bar, super DJ (a distinct lack of "Sister Christian" but I begged, I swear), hot lesbian all over me and awkward ignorance of Joe's ex-girlfriend shoving her tongue down some Bangladeshi man's throat... oh, and two flasks of cherry vodka. I don't know how I didn't die.

- Gridley Paige played yesterday. Tim (singer) announced to everyone that I have a crush on Matt (dreamy Ben Folds/Paul Rudd hybrid piano/guitar player). Wonderful. They played Dr. Feelgood and it was AMAZING. And Sister Christian LOVE IT.

Obviously everything is (generally) fine, and nothing is (generally) fucked...

My life... let me tell you it.

I've been on an indefinite hiatus from this blog for awhile and who knows if it will continue after I post this. So I figure I'll start out with a recap of the last three weeks because my life has been a maelstrom of activity and I can't even keep it straight anymore.

- I've put 1,000 miles on my car.
- I worked 35-hour work weeks, split between two nursing homes.
- I trained a girl to do my job at Rosewood.
- I subsequently quit my job at Rosewood.
- I'm taking a week vacation (my first in six years) this week... and spending that time moving the rest of my worldly possessions back to Rome.
- I've hung out with Sheena more times in the last two weeks than I've seen her in two years!
- We've decided to start a band again!
- I've gone to two Saranac Thursdays.
- I've seen Gridley Paige play three times... and realized how freaking awesome they are.
- I've met a bunch of new friends.
- I've talked with a bunch of old ones.
- I went to a dive bar in Clinton for Ryan's bday!
- I cleaned up dog puke at 3am.
- I maintained a garden for two weeks.
- I've been dutifully ignoring the Mets implosion.

It'll be nice ending July and starting August with a vacation after the three hell weeks I've just been through (though, FWIW, it hasn't all been hell... just the driving back-and-forth part mostly). August seems to be shaping up to be a wonderful month...

- NYC (Mets game, Statue of Liberty and Stefan and Wendy!) 31st - 2nd.
- GP at Hollyrock on the 6th.
- GP at the Marketplace on the 13th.
- Chiefs/Bisons games on the 18th and 19th.
- GP at Celtic Harp on the 20th.
- Parent's anniversary party.
- First day of classes on the 24th.
- GP at Hollyrock Sylvan Beach on the 29th.

Please note: my life has apparently been abducted and is currently being held hostage by Gridley Paige and I am honestly perfectly fine with that. Two weeks ago I would have told you that I couldn't stand them... well a lot changes in ten years.

Sheena and I saw them play at KRock's first Jingle Ball and, to put it bluntly, they were Terrible (deserving of a capital T in Terrible). So when she told me over a drunken conversation at Saranac that they were playing at Hollyrock in Sylvan Beach, I balked a little bit... but went, albeit begrudgingly. I was expecting Terrible. I got SUPER FUN AND AMAZING and a guitarist that looks like a mix between Ben Folds and Paul Rudd.

Hi, I don't often admit when I am wrong - and hell, I usually hate when I'm wrong. But I was wrong AND AM GLAD OF IT.

So a week later, they played at Celtic Harp after Saranac and Sheena and I went again. And it's a good thing she drove because I decided I wanted to be Noah and put my beers in my belly two-by-two and perhaps black out a little bit (the fact that I had to drive to Syracuse for my last day of work in the morning was obviously not-withstanding). I had, at that point, developed a booze-laden crush on aforementioned guitarist - aptly nomikered Ben Rudd for the sake of conversation - and decided, because I am chicken shit, to write him a letter and put it on his guitar pedal while they were cleaning up.

(The note read "You look like the love child of Ben Folds and Paul Rudd!" and was written on the back of a cigarette box because it was that or a dollar bill and like hell I was giving away my dollar bill. Also it was barely legible.)

So I called out to the drummer to MAKE ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT BEN RUDD GETS THIS IMPORTANT PIECE OF LEGISLATION. He agrees... but I'm still wary. And then Luke pushes me to grab the note back and Just Talk To Him Already. So I did. My recollection of the conversation is as follows....

*Me: HI I TOLD THE DRUMMER GUY TO GIVE THIS TO YOU BUT I WAS AFRAID HE WOULDN'T SO NOW I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU MYSELF YOU LOOK LIKE BEN FOLDS AND PAUL RUDD AND THE NOTE SAYS THAT.
*Him: (Takes note, laughs heartily). I usually get Elvis Costello but I think this is awesome too!
*Me: YES THAT TOO. I REALLY LIKE WHEN YOU PLAY PIANO EVEN THOUGH YOU MESSED UP TONIGHT IT'S FINE I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICED. ALSO I WAS AT THE SHOW ON SATURDAY BEING A CREEPER - YOU DIDN'T MESS UP THEN... I'M SORRY I'M A CREEPER.
*Him: (laughs at my drunken rambling). I don't even remember the show last Saturday... it was a messy night.
*Me: TONIGHT IS A MESSY NIGHT TOO.
*Him: Not yet for me! You got a head start... I haven't started!
*Me: WELL GO START THEN. I'LL BE AT THE SHOW ON SATURDAY BECAUSE I'M FROM SYRACUSE AND THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
*Him: I don't even know how to get there! Give me directions.
*Me: (contemplates giving directions to my apartment instead of Marketplace but gives some semblance of correct directions, complete with standing with my back to his chest and using arm gestures to indicate direction).
*Him: Well I'll see you then!

A few notes: I did speak in capslock. I spent four hours next to a speaker and was drunk as a skunk. I also believe I did the "get it on" gesture as I walked away... something I'm not particularly proud of. Needless to say, those were the only portions of the conversation that I remember... and the conversation went on much longer than what was just recapped.

TLDR: Talked to Ben Rudd, probably made fool of myself. Am a creeper.

(I also then told the lead guitar player that he looked like Dane Cook in "Waiting" and he laughed and said he's gotten that one before... TWO FOOLS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE APPARENTLY).

In an effort to assuage my retardedness, I showed up at Marketplace yesterday armed with a girl's best weapons: cleavage, eyeliner, and more beer (significantly less beer than Thursday, but enough to unwind nerves of steel). The band played only for an hour and, while I would have preferred a longer set, there's only so much fair atmosphere that I can handle, especially when the girls dancing next to the stage were not wearing bras. So they finish the set and I start walking to talk to Ben Rudd when BAM! ATTACK OF THE CREEPY CHAPSTICK EAR MAN.

*Him: I'm Sebastian.
*Me: That's wonderful. Why are you wearing chapstick in your lobes?
*Him: Because I gauge them and I see you do too but I just make my own gauges.
*Me: You need to be hit by a clue-by-four.
*Him: I haven't had sex in a year and a half.
*Me: K, gotta pee.

I seriously paraphrased that conversation - it lasted closer to fifteen minutes and by the time I got back from the porta-potty (oh wonderful) the band was done packing their stuff up and hanging out backstage. And there were bouncers blocking the exit.

FML.

But never fear, beer to the rescue. I walked confidently past the bouncer, who spun around and asked me where the hell I thought I was going, to which I replied "LEAVING." Apparently that was enough for the peanut gallery and he turned his back to me... so I quickly changed my trajectory and headed towards the band and then I hear Ben Rudd go "you DID make it!"

Why yes, yes I did.

And I managed to keep my get-it-on humpy move all to myself, TYVM.

We all introduced ourselves to eachother (Ben Rudd is actually named Matt, and Dane Cook is Dave... whaddya know, people have real names) and I apologized for my creepiness the night before (Utica Club happens, folks, and it's typically not a pretty picture). I talked with them and Walt (the bass player) and their friend Kristie for close to an hour... and was pleasantly surprised with how NOT awkward the whole situation was. I mean, I was standing in a circle with people who have known eachother for years and they just know me as the alcoholic creeper that shows up drunk to their shows - and it was actually more comfortable than hanging out with some people I consider my friends.

(Yeah, the lightbulb went on.)

After parting ways, I went back to Joe's all fired up. We all went downtown to Half Penny - I've been telling Chris Dousharm for months that I'll come see his band and something always comes up when he plays, so I had to make it this time. Once again, I spent a good amount of time just shooting the shit about the old days with him... back when Bill and Mike were raspberry and pineapple and we named our band Part-Time Punk and how we used to go mini-golfing all the time (and allllll that). Joe and his friends all left, but I stayed to watch them play. Then I met some Eagle Scouts doing a bar crawl and went to Kitty Hoynes with them, only to get a free drink from Kristin. It was one last perfect weekend in Syracuse...and a good ending to the last four years.

I'm pretty stoked to be moving home. As much as it sucks that I'm going to be stuck in the sticks, it'll be good for me to get out of this "me me me" city and spend time with more down-to-earth people. I don't think I'll miss this place. I think I've grabbed what Syracuse had to offer and exhausted its possibilities and it's time for something new....

(Ok, now I go get Wendy's chili. Perfect hangover cure!)

i DID have the time of my life...

JFC... Friday night was a shitshow.

(Actually, I think I'm STILL hungover, which is quite unpleasant when you have to work at 7am).

Vote For Pete played another show (I know, two in 7 days! Big win!) at the Hoynes... originally Joe and the band's namesake Pete weren't going to go because Pete wanted to drink at college bars, but c'mon, it's KH! FWIW, I would have gone regardless, because every night at KH is a good night and those nights are made even better by the fact that my friends' band is playing and my favorite bartender is working. But this night at KH was different for many, many reasons...

1) Pete.... wearing a Santa suit. Apparently he picked up this monstrosity for $30 and it was the best $30 he's ever spent because this guy was getting the ladies left and right. It seems like girls have Santa fetishes (something I can't fathom) as made ever-so obvious by "Bad Santa" (Fuck me Santa!) and the fact that Pete got caught mackin' some girl at Ambrosia. AND got phone numbers. One bad thing about Santa fetishes? Cougars have them too...

2) Luke and his Hannah Montana fetish. Now I told him that I wouldn't tell anyone but it's not like anyone who reads this knows him personally and it's just too funny to pass up. Basically, he "has four nieces," but I still think it's utter bullshit and he just wants her hot bod. Now for the blackmail!

3) Chris and Luke dancing to "(I've Had) The Time of my Life." Dirty dancing. Um yes plz? I love me some two men grinding up on eachother.

4) FREE VERUCA SALTS... 'nuff said.

5) Tom Arnold lookalike (except I was drunk and kept calling him "Dan Ackroyd's Ugly Cousin" - yes I am nice I swear) telling me that if I lick this one guy's ass, he would reciprocate. Oh JFC. That is one thing that I never want to hear out of a complete stranger (or my boyfriend, no matter). I really shouldn't have been dancing like a skank with two random guys - at least I THINK that's what spawned this comment - but c'mon, after 3 kitty cocktails, 4 cherry vodka cokes and one veruca salt, I didn't know what my name was...

It was a fun night. That I remember all of. Which doesn't typically happen when Luke makes my drinks and "keeps them coming" (DIRTY) and they taste like delicious melty popsicles and blue raspberry koolaid (OMNOMFUCKINGNOM)...

So today I'm working 7am to 3pm at the switchboard and it is NO FUN. Good Morning America is here filming a segment about this girl who does a pajama drive for our residents and I was filmed in one of the clips D= GOOD THING I LOOK CUTE AT 8am... oh wait...

this is just a dance hall drug

And with that loss, Mets lost their post-season chances. Another good pitching session from Ollie, another superb clutch catch by Chavez, one more loss to a lesser team. Now what to do with my nights for the next five months?

Joe and I have talked about going down to Port St. Lucie for spring training. I love Florida and think it's a wonderful idea... hopefully it'll happen. I have some money-saving to do it looks like. I also really hope Omar brings back Jerry "Gangster" Manuel. I think a lot of people are going to blame him for not playing the cards right in the last few games... but let's face it: it was the TEAM that didn't go out and perform. Sucks...

And speaking of Florida, I'm on my way there right now. For 36 hours. Explains why I'm blogging at 4am, right? I get back Tuesday at midnight....

i wanna be sedated... no really.

So... remember how every time I talk about Kitty Hoynes I talk about my favorite bartender? Turns out he started the company syracusecrate.com (which ships awesome CNY food like Hoffman hotdogs and Dinosaur BBQ sauge across the country). How crazy is that? I run the risk of sounding like a complete freak if I ask him about it next time I'm in, but fuck it. Apparently I have amazing google-fu skills (or I've just been REALLY bored for the last few hours).

This weekend has been a blur. I did all of nothing yesterday. Mets game was rained out, so Joe and I sat around doing absolutely nothing. We ended up at the mall around 8:30 and putzed around and decided to see Mirrors... FUCKING TERRIFYING. I was whimpering the whole time. We were in the small theatre and I sat next to three people who spent the movie talking in latin tongues on their cell phones and Joe was next to his new BFF, Mr. Napkin Man. Mr. Napkin Man would eat ONE piece of popcorn, take out a new napkin and spend two minutes wiping his hands off. It wasn't quite a pleasant movie-going experience, but that's whatcha get...

I planned on going home next weekend to see my sister's marching band performance but I completely forgot that an old aquaintence is coming up from PA (and bringing 11 friends, to boot). I haven't talked to Ben in ages and I got a message from him last week asking about bars in Syracuse and would I pretty-pretty-please take in him and his friends for the night because there's the SU/Penn State game and they can't miss it? This should make for an interesting evening. I kept telling Pete and Joe that I was going to host an after-hours party that night once Ben and his friends got back to the bar... somehow the idea sounds less than ideal when I don't have 3 Kitty Cocktails and 5 vodka-redbulls in me.

Better get going... it's a Mets/Phils doubleheader today and GOD FORBID we miss either game. So much for me taking Joe out for a nice, classy dinner; today is to be spent in shitty dive bars with throngs of football fans (um, ew?).


OH: I got my lip pierced Friday night by the fabulous John Joyce and his sweet apprentice (who helped out when I got my other nostril done as well and I can't remember her name ever). Sarah got her septum pierced and we looked like the walking wounded all night. I currently have a fat lip and it's not a pretty sight... but I forgot how much I missed having it done. My mom should be excited - she HATED my double nostrils and said it made my nose look wide. Thanks mom...

i finally found a hairdresser that understands "DO NOT TOUCH THE SIDES"

So I've been really bad at updating for the past four days. Sadface. That's what happens when you're in EAST BUMFUCK (Raquette Lake) and have no internet connection (not to mention no phone reception or television to watch the damn Mets game). So here is a giant post o' doom...

THINGS THAT BOTHERED ME ABOUT THE WEEKEND:

1) It was god-damn camp. I am a city slicker (says my father). This, coupled with my horrible outdoor allergies made my 24-hour stay in the wildnerness incredibly unbearable. I did read a pretty damn good book called "Pandemic" by Daniel Kalla but I would love to reiterate my complete disdain for books only published in mass-market production (HATE HATE HATE).

2) Way to almost blow a game, Billy Wagner. Perez pitched 7 hitless innings and you just had to come in and fuck it all up and send the game into extra innings. I would like to thank Tatis for making things better and bringing the Mets to 44-44 (GOOD LUCK NUMBERS FOR TONIGHT!). Also, Ryan Church plz to not have anymore migranes D

3) God damn relatives. Could one of my aunts be any more hateful of me? Every single thing I say or do is shot down. I'm always wrong. Nope, apparently Smirnoff is delicious and won't make you sick. No, you have to get the Ganash cake because those are the best. Nope, you HAVE to go to breakfast before the Boilermaker because that's what all the Romans do. GUESS WHAT I AM NOT A ROMAN - AND I AM NOT ITALIAN AND NEITHER ARE YOU! Stop sticking your nose in my business and turning my other relatives into complete bitches too

4) WHERE IS MY MOTHERFUCKING STIMULUS CHECK?

5) Please do not beg me to come to a concert 2 hours out of my way because "you have no other trumpets" and then stick me on the end of the 8-foot tall stage when 8 of them show up. Also, please tell your subs to stop sucking so hard and come in when they should be playing. I can't even tell you how many times I played a "solo" in the pieces because NO ONE CAME IN ON TIME.

DRINK OF THE WEEKEND:

Sobriety, laced with a few sips of my mom's Coors Light (fuck you Coors mountains, you are terribly un-tasty).

DEBAUCHERY?

A whole lotta none.

WHAT HAVE I BEEN LISTENING TO?

The sound of crickets. And my obnoxious cousin rattling bags around at 7am. Oh, and lots and lots of Ben Folds.

I leave you with this... A picture of my father "riding" one of the furnaces he built. Damn, he needs a haircut...

oh bye-bye a-rod!

CHURCH IS BACK AND HE GREW YUMMY FACIAL HAIR.

That aside, the Mets are having a tough run this weekend. They won 15-4 on Friday afternoon (thanks mostly to Delgado's 9 RBIs) and then lost 9-0 in the evening. Yesterday's game was at least close, 3-2 for the loss. That's the Mets biggest problem - they have no consistancy. I'm saying it's better to score 5 runs a game than 15 in one and 0 in the next, ya? Currently they're up 2-0, top of the 4th with Perez pitching... we'll see how this goes. I'm predicting a big W due to Church being back but they're known to blow it big time... at any rate, if they lose, Joe's buying a new couch (emotional spending FTW).

The Mets typically drive me to drink, but I've been too lazy and tired all weekend to do so. I guess Thirsty Thursdays really wear me out. I didn't even attempt to go out last night, instead cat-napping while the boy and his friends were out at Clark's and Kitty Hoynes, but I got to witness drunk boyfriend when they finally retired for the night. Drunk Joe consists of A) loud talking, B) rants about MLB and C) whining.

(Sounds like me 98% of the time, so it's more than welcome.)

I'm definetely happy that this is a 4-day workweek (I mean, I could totally work on the 4th, but since I've not been there for a year and I'm only part-time, I wouldn't get a paid holiday OR double time... so I'll just go with unpaid holiday, TYVM). I'm foreseeing a drunken barbeque during the day and then an obnoxious trip to Old Forge for stupid Floyd Band because Charlie all but begged me to play. At least I'll play lead horn...

...though I might not be so great with 4 beers in me. I guess we'll see.

Chopper, sic balls!

Not too much drunken debauchery this weekend, I'm afraid.

Last night Joe and I had a great idea called "let's be homebodies and get drunk in the apartment and watch 'Stand By Me.'" Not a bad idea, one might think, but I REALLY wanted to watch the movie and do that we didn't. I started giggling like a boy-crazy preteen (think Miley Cyrus) and didn't make it through the movie because my boyfriend is a lovely jerk who kept interrupting me. Passage-outage occurred after only two 7&7s (I swear, you want me to be your bartender... I make strong drinks).

Friday night was a bit more exciting because we weren't hermits. Vote For Pete played at the Relay for Life. I lit a luminary, I cried, I danced my butt off (on cold bleachers). I tried to feed Olin during the show but what he really wanted was for me to plug in his pedal (I b a bad hearer). Mr. Garvey was there and he is super sexy camera. We went to Ed's afterwards and ate heart-attack pizza and wings and I got to be DD to my drunk-ass 40-drinkin' boyfriend.

Also, the doll is a man and there is a boat in the living room (and not to mention Kanji for 69)... but I'm not even going to go there. BOOM!

Today is Polish Fest, Zoo, and mom's birthday. This will be the third time this week I've had to drive home and I'm not very happy about it. Sure, let me spend all my money on gasoline...